I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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