she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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