so let's talk penis.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
