I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
