It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
