Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
