Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
