Duck Duck Cougar?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
