dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
