Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
