Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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