a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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