she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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