I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
foreskin is a definite game changer
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
