Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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