I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
