I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
