Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
