he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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