I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
