ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
