The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
