She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize