Rock
Scissors
Fuck
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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