i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I want her autograph on my taint
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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