Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
