I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
