I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize