No stitches, just platelets and will power
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
