just come out here and I will go home with you...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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