the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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