she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
