I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
