oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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