it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
