He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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