There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
