Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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