well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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