he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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