Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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