Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize