Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
