and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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