I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize