I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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