i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
