this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
