You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
