I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
this will be a night to untag.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
