Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize