I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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