you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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