well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My vagina just recognized that song.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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