I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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