I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
