I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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