But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
