The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize