Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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