If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
