bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
