He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
