I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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