it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
