Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
