I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
